Happy New Year 2014Image: yemista.com/50-mind-blowing-happy-new-year-2014-wallpapers/

Here we go again!

| It's a new year, so you know what that means: time for another round of preposterously impossible-to-achieve resolutions.

The making of new year resolutions is a triumph of optimism over realism. It's impossible to resist the temptation to make the list. In our heart of hearts we know the resolutions have as much chance as the Republicans overthrowing the Teanderthals and doing something, anything, that actually benefits ordinary people. But still we persist. So too shall I.


Count to ten before berating fools. This gives more time to perfect the insult.

Be more active in the community. Walking to the mailboxes will count.

Exterminate the dust bunnies hiding under the furniture. They have been eating the green things growing there.

Prevent polio. Oh, wait, that's been done already.

Clean off all the junk that has accumulated on my hard drive. This should keep me occupied past the time for new resolutions for 2015.

Lose weight. I was going to say "lose 20 pounds" but I don't want to box myself in by being too specific.

Grow taller. It's time to fight back against the ravages of older age. Those hairs that sprout overnight on the top of your ears are pretty annoying, too.

Send the Christmas cards that I bought on-sale in January of 1985. I think they've aged enough, like a fine wine that's been cellared. However, I'm afraid I won't be able to use the vintage Christmas stamps I bought at the same time; I ran out of forever stamps earlier this year.

Seriously, folks, 2014 will be a lot like 2013 and there's nothing for it but to keep on going on. The only alternative is quite unattractive. Life is good.

Last updated on Apr 13, 2018



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