News flash

This just in...

The mind boggles. I haven't been the same since I saw the following brief item in the Dow Jones news summary:

ROTO-ROOTER TO BUY HOSPICE PROVIDER

Plumbing company agrees to pay $410 million for the 63% stake it does not already own in Vitas Healthcare, a care provider for terminally ill patients. Shares jump 5%.

Roto-Rooter logo
plus sign
Vitas web banner

Huh?

Roto-Rooter (RRR) — the "flush your troubles down the drain" company — is buying a chain of hospices!?!?!?

the new Vitas

That should be comforting to the children as they drive mom and pop up to the hospice for their final days on earth! Forgive me, but from the hospice do the dearly departed get flushed down the drain, like a dead goldfish?

I've always said that when I die I want to be cremated and the ashes flushed down the toilet. But I didn't think anybody would take me seriously!!! Make a business model out of it!

Or, can you picture the hospice nurse comforting a patient with constipation: "Now don't you fret, we'll have you cleaned out in no time."

When companies acquire other companies they always talk about synergies. What are the synergies between Roto-Rooter and Vitas? Cost savings? Procurement? Supply chains? Marketing? Personnel? Whatever it is, the market thinks it's a good idea — shares jump 5%!

The mind boggles.