Your membership has been approved

Thanks goodness for that!

I am humbled and honored. And so relieved. My membership in the Handyman Club of America has been approved! It's made me positively giddy!

The notice arrived in the mail on Saturday. I nearly missed it, seeing as how it was Halloween orange and only 14 inches by 10½ inches. But once I noticed it, I could hardly contain myself. It was like Christmas in June.

Handyman Club of America logo

For starters, this is no ordinary membership. It's very exclusive, and members are sworn to keep anything they get from the Club "out of the hands of non-members." It could be rather awkward dealing with neighbors though: "No, George, I'm sorry I can't lend you this cheap screwdriver. It was given to me by the Handyman Club of America, and you're not a member."

benefits

The benefits are simply myriad. There are "opportunities," "privileges," "inside facts," a "members-only magazine," free stuff, and more! Members even receive cash — $200 — if their tips are published in the magazine. And you don't even have to pass Go.

drill gauge

The first free gift was already included with my membership card: a handy drill sizing guide. And not only that! There was also a set of return-address labels, with the club logo, for me to use "as a member of the Handyman Club of America" and another set of labels to use to "identify your household breakers!" Now isn't that considerate?

Memo to self: Send tip to magazine about new use for drill gauge
I'm actually surprised that they didn't mention that it would make a swell template for drawing different sized circles as well.
tips

Already I can see that belonging to the Handyman Club of America is really worthwhile. There was a special set of tips just "For the Workshop of Paul Williamson" included with my membership notice.

These tips are simply amazing!

Memo to self: Buy Bic® brand ballpoint pen to use with WD-40® can

I had no idea you could use the tube of a Bic® brand pen to hold the little straw that comes with a can of WD-40®.

Members are asked to uphold a statement of conduct as a condition of membership. These include:

acknowledgement
  • keep all information, benefits and privileges for use of Members only
  • maintain the Club's high standards of workmanship and safety
  • always be fair and honest in product test reviews
  • conduct [oneself] in a courteous fashion while wearing or displaying the Club's emblem

Oh, oh. I guess I shouldn't have showed you those tips.

send no money

Now, you might think that membership in a club like this would cost a lot of money. But they don't seem at all concerned about money. In fact, they made such a point of not sending money when I accept my membership: "I've told you not to send any money now, and I mean it." Isn't that just like a high-class club, trusting members to pay their dues later?

dues

In fact, I had to look pretty closely to even see what the dues were. It wasn't printed in very big type.

If you didn't get your acceptance notice, you might be able to apply for one at Handyman.com. Good luck!